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The Screecher
Acolyte
3 Posts |
 Posted - 09 Sep 2005 : 14:25:15
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Hello everyone, well this is my first topic anyway. To begin with, I know most of the scribes here are veteran and elite DMs and players, so it is likely during the course of the campaigns, their PCs are likely to say some stupid, silly or hilarious comments (of course, not vulgar or rude comments!).
Here is an example for mine:
PC 1: I gonna take down that... gas bag(slang for Beholder) before I go and meet Tempus(chokes on his own blood).
PC 2: Sure, but at least be nicely attired first before you go and meet Him. (fingers his long sword.)
PC 1: How? (looks at his stained and dirty attire)
PC 2: (points ahead in the distance)A Goblin camp under Obould up ahead! Maybe they are kind enough to grant you a holy ritual as well as some nice clothes for you!"
PC 1: What? Goblin Clerics!
PC 2: Don't worry! The chances of Goblin clerics doing a disservice to you is zero, and infinitesimal."
PC 1: What?!!(chokes and dies)
I am curious to what kind of stupid, silly or hilarious comments are heard, said by DMs and players during the course of their FR and D&D campaigns, so would anyone kindly share them, please.
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Through stealth and the shadows, what was once thought dead shall arise and strike back at those responsible. |
Edited by - The Screecher on 09 Sep 2005 14:26:22
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RedStrike
Acolyte
32 Posts |
Posted - 09 Sep 2005 : 14:34:35
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For me, there was a stupid comment made by one of the players in the group during a campaign in the Silver Marches.
He said, "I know he is a Malarnite! A Chaotic Evil lycanthrope! so because he is CE so he should keep his promise when he promised not to betray us to his tribe!"
Another silly comment from another player: "So that giant fell into the pit? I don't care how many feet the pit descends into! I am going to throw off my armor, equipment and clothes so I can dive faster into the pit! Why? To be the first to get the dead giant belongings and coin!"
It was the most....stupid and insane comments I can ever hear from a player. |
We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. |
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The Freak
Acolyte
3 Posts |
Posted - 09 Sep 2005 : 14:45:52
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There was a player in my group who turned to look at me, the DM, and say, "Eeeek! We, men of honorable and high status positions....being rescued by women! Especially Priestesses of Selune! How embarassing! Please, allow my PC to die! I don't want my PC honor to be tarnished through this way, for it is not my style of being rescued."
I replied to him, "Sure, seek the nearest monster or shadow dragon in the vicinity and serve your PC up for dinner." |
The raging freak is an unstoppable force... |
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The Screecher
Acolyte
3 Posts |
Posted - 09 Sep 2005 : 14:54:38
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Good, good! I thank those who had replied and shared some of these comments, thank you. Come on, to all scribes, contribute more!
To lead the way, here is another silly comment made by a PC,
PC 1: There is a horde of orcs charging down on us! How are we going to attack?
DM: Use whatever means at your disposal.
PC 1: I will use magic and level the mountain down on them.
PC 2: (Sneers at PC 1) Magic is for wimps! Watch mine! (Walks without fear towards the orc chiefain and prostrates himself to the orc)
DM: The orc chieftain stops and looks confusedly at PC 2.
PC 2: Mighty orc, They should be cake to kill once I tell you that they were trying to steal your wives and property under your nose. |
Through stealth and the shadows, what was once thought dead shall arise and strike back at those responsible. |
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Xysma
Master of Realmslore
USA
1089 Posts |
Posted - 28 Sep 2005 : 17:05:12
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DM: Upon entering the clearing, you see a statue of a beautiful young woman, the statue shows signs of age, but strangely, it is not covered in moss and vines like the trees surrounding the clearing. You hear a ghostly voice that says, "Leave this area, this is a sacred place, none may enter here."
PC: "I fly over and hump the statue!"
DM: "You What?!?!?"
PC: "I fly over and hump the statue."
DM: "Dear lord, whatever. What do you guys do?"
The other players in unison: "We run in the opposite direction!"
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War to slay, not to fight long and glorious.
Aermhar of the Tangletrees
Year of the Hooded Falcon
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Check out my custom action figures, hand-painted miniatures, gaming products, and other stuff on eBay.
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KnightErrantJR
Great Reader
USA
5402 Posts |
Posted - 28 Sep 2005 : 17:23:06
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When my player's characters were travelling through Cormyr, somehow they started to discuss the King's Forest, as well as the existance of dire squirels. Eventually one of them asked,
"What would dire squirels be doing in the King's Forest?"
"They're after the King's Nuts." |
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Xysma
Master of Realmslore
USA
1089 Posts |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36876 Posts |
Posted - 29 Sep 2005 : 18:04:19
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One of my very first game sessions, I and a friend were both playing Waterdhavian thieves. We encountered a female thief NPC and were talking with her. My friend suggested that we could help her out. The female thief immediately asked what we had that she didn't.
I didn't even think about it! I was a teenage boy, in high school. So I blurted out what we had that she didn't -- and it was, of course, an anatomical reference. 
My most infamous slip of the tongue was in a non-Realms campaign. I was playing my minotaur fighter (whom I've since dropped in the Realms as an NPC). One of his weapons was a great axe. And that was what I intended to draw... My statement was supposed to be: "I pull out my honkin' big ol' axe!"
But I didn't say "axe". The word I spoke was indeed a three-letter word beginning with the letter "a", but it wasn't a type of weapon... The word, which rhymes with "glass", wound up giving the sentence a whole new meaning! |
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I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen!  |
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sabre
Acolyte
Turkey
47 Posts |
Posted - 12 Oct 2005 : 09:33:17
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I do remember a very disturbing and hillarious incident.During one of my games,party was about to discover and defeat the powerful sorcerer of the campaign.Everybody was very nervous and the tension was very high...The game room was dead silent,players were thinkin' solutions about the upcoming battle and then one of the players shouted loud and clear;the even score of a soccer game of the team which he was fan of...ý was drawin' a map of the combat ground and ý screamed and threw the pen i was holding...very very mad i was,but i also laughed my ass off...
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sabre |
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Thelonius
Senior Scribe
Spain
730 Posts |
Posted - 12 Oct 2005 : 10:42:44
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In one of my first games, i was playing as a DM. And all was a about an undead powerful wizard buried in a dungeon and the efforts of a bunch of heroes to defeat him. I remember after a couple of hours of playing the moment they reached the sorceror and the battle. And after the battle and defeating of the evil guy i remember picking up the miniature of the guy, start moving it like crazy over my head and shouting with deep voice:
- "No, one thousand years more, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The silly thing? four people shaking their heads following the moving of the miniature with their eyes wide open, I still laugh when remembering the moment... |
"If you are to truly understand, then you will need the contrast, not adherence to a single ideal." - Kreia
"I THINK I JUST HAD ANOTHER NEAR-RINCEWIND EXPERIENCE"- Discworld's Death frustrated after Rincewind scapes his grasp... again.
"I am death, come for thee" - Nimbul, from Baldur's Gate I just before being badly spanked
Sapientia sola libertas est |
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Chosen of Bane
Senior Scribe
USA
552 Posts |
Posted - 12 Oct 2005 : 13:05:57
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I remember this one got a good laugh from our gaming table...
Group of PC's which is in serious need of an arcane caster is traveling through the underdark (City of the Spider Queen). The party randomly meets up with a group of Deep Gnome miners and their illusionist who cloaks them from the drow. The party has peaceful intereaction with the Deep Gnomes and this conversation ensues with the Deep Gnome Illusionist.
PC: What his your name.
DM: My name is Filbur Figmenthand, we are a shy and quiet race who like to stay out of the spotlight...perfect for NPC casters.
Unfortunately Filbur was swallowed whole twice by a purple worm in the very near future and did not survive. |
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Iliphar1
Learned Scribe
Austria
133 Posts |
Posted - 12 Oct 2005 : 23:02:11
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mage PC at the top of his tower
... and this is my summoning circle. Put a lot of effort and money into it. Now I just have to devellop a spell, which preserves the fragile material against wind and weather.
the Fighter PC comes up to solve the mage's serious problem
... you mean a roof?
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'You see dead bones? ... I see an army!' Ezechiel 37 |
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Berzerker_prime
Acolyte
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - 17 Oct 2005 : 04:31:16
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Wow! This topic is tailor made for me! Hold on, let me get my gaming tome. I have quotes going back to 6/19/04 and that's just in the notebook I can find.
Ladies, gentlemen, and gamers of all ages, I present to you...
Fantastic Flushables: Comments from the Company of the Combustible Commode!
Player Jeff: "We had a GM-etrically correct map!"
Player Sarah (referring to a big stick): "Mine's bigger."
PC Junior to Orc Mercs: "Into the crapper! Now!"
GM Bobsan (about a topic not fit for small children): "Um... her squeezing distracts you for a moment..."
PC Valithar: "I'm going to pierce all his organs in alphabetical order!"
Player Randy: "He's getting beaten by a freakin' gerbil!"
Player Randy (about the aforementioned): "So, the Baron was out riding with his boyfriend..."
Player Kasper: "Hey! I'm at over 60,000 at Bejeweled!"
Player Randy: "Better knock it off; Jeff's turning mauve."
PC Xyphael: "I do not frolick!"
PC Dooly: "You are so gay."
PC Dooly's Player: "Duergar, Drugar, po-tay-to, po-tah-to; it doesn't matter! I just ate healing balm!"
Player Ed (about Dooly): "He slices, he dices, he makes julianne fries!"
Player Sarah: "You mean Dooly-anne fries!"
PC Ghan: "He smells kinda fruity."
GM Bobsan: "And right now, he's flaming!"
GM Kasper: "And it comes down with one claw into you."
Player Brett: "Only one, though!"
PC Valithar: "Hey Dooly! Troll check!"
PC Dooly: "TROLLIE TROLLIE TROLLIE!!!!"
PC Dooly (singing during battle): "99 orcs coming out of the caves, 99 orcs from the caves! You take one down, he falls to the ground. 98 orcs coming out of the caves!"
PC Junior: "Get your own pan!"
PC Alton (a halfling): "Oh, there's plenty to go around."
PC Junior: "Yeah, but can you reach 'em?"
Player of Alton (looking at sheet): "Tumble, jump, climb..."
PC Alton: "Do dire rats burn well?"
Inscription on Junior's shiny, new, Dwarf-crafted cup (in Dwarvish): "This cup runneth shallow."
PC Ghan (to the Elven bard sharing his room): "Shut up, points, I wanna sleep!"
Player Kasper (regarding Junior's cup): "He said it was fur-lined!"
PC Ghan: "Just because he's evil doesn't mean he's not decent."
PC Alton: "I'm going to drink a little beer, eat a little bread..."
Player Sarah: "Do a little dance, sing a little song, get down tonight..."
PC Alton (the halfling, to big hulking merc warrior): "Maybe I'm more capable than you think."
Player Randy (considering sewar gasses and flint and steel): "How much XP could we get for clearing out Undermountain...?
PC Ghan: "Fairly decent fellow, for an hole."
PC Alton (crawling into tiny hole): "My help is a hedgehog!?!"
PC Alton: "It is my goal to be a better bush."
GM Bobsan (describing a female NPC's attire): "Great for movement... among other things as well..."
PC Hadoriel (to Junior): "You're armed and hormonal!"
PC Valithar: "It's time to go through the alphabet!"
Player Ed: "Monk check!"
Player Sarah: "MONKEY, MONKEY, MONKEY!!!"
GM Bobsan: "Silence scares the thief..."
Player Randy (to player of Alton): "You're tired, you're hungry, and you definately need new underware."
Player Brett: "Can I listen and tell how far it falls?"
GM Bobsan: "Well, that would depend on the thing's weight..."
Player Sarah (the astrophysics major): "Uh, no it wouldn't..."
PC Amarthir (pointing to map): "I'm casting 'Detect Drow' with a blast radius right here."
PC Xyphael: "Wait! 'Detect Drow' is a Fireball!?!"
PC Amarthir: "We can always have the halfling detect traps."
Player of Alton: "But I don't get my Uncanny Dodge when I'm asleep!"
PC Hadoriel: "It wouldn't want to eat me. Elves are stringy."
Entire Player Group (unison, singing to Pink Panther theme): "Dead ants, dead ants... dead ants... dead ants dead ants dead atns dead ants dead aaaaaaaaaants, de-he-ed ants!"
PC Alton: "How did we get from there to here?"
PC Ghan: "Well, you went by air express..."
Player Brett: "Is [the stain on the wall] adventurer-sized?"
Player Ed: "[Randy doesn't] have the Horny Helmet of Ghan!"
Player Sarah (Hadoriel): "I need your bard song!"
Player Ed (Xyphael): "Sorry, I'm barfing."
PC Junior (about his shield): "If I don't get it up now, I won't get it up at all!"
Player Ed (about a laughter-cursed Alton, singing): "Rooooolll oooouuuutt the Halfliiiiing!"
PC Hadoriel: " it! I didn't set out to be a damsel in distress!"
PC Alton: "No, I would stab straight across; that would hurt more."
Player Jeff (about Junior's failed Jump check) "White monks can't jump!"
PC Ghan: "Speak normal for my boss... or DOOLY WILL EAT YOU!!"
GM Bobsan: "I dunno. I've never -slapped anyone this badly before."
Player Ed: "Welcome to another session of 'Playing Out Your .' Your host; Bobsan!"
PC Junior (about Alton's detect trap check): "He says there's no traps. There's no way I'm checking the door!"
Player Sarah: "Skulls go 'ting, ting, ting'?"
GM Bobsan: "They do when they're still in the helmet!"
GM Bobsan (about the cold weather): "Sweet mother of god, your are turning blue!"
Player Kasper: "No they're not! It's fur-lined!"
PC Hadoriel (about the plan to distract the Dragon): "I can't believe Junior got me in the sack!"
PC Alton: "I haven't had some good weed in a while."
PC Amarthir (about Xyphael): "I think we lost him."
PC Alton: "We lost him a loooooonnng time ago."
PC Alton: "He's got a snowplow! 'Detect Snow'!"
PC Xyphael: "I could annoy 'em to death!"
PC Xyphael (about the mortally wounded Hadoriel): "She looked bad, so I poked her."
PC Ghan: "Clangeddin save me from-"
PC Alton: "AAAAAIIIIIIII!!!!" *Splat* RIP Alton
PC Ghan: "-STUPID HALFLINGS!"
GM Bobsan: "A robed figer strolls in, very gracefully."
Player Kasper: *comes down stairs, trips, making loud thump.*
PC Ghan (to Clangeddin): "When I get up there, you're going to have to explain all this to me."
PC Xyphael: "The Zhentarim!?!"
Crates knocked over by cats: *bang, crash, thud!*
So, yeah, as you can see, we're... well... meeting at midnight and going until the wee hours of the morning right after getting out of Anime club. It makes for som rather amusing sessions...
Sweet water to you all!
Berz.
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*******
Berzerker_prime
Nen lend ah lalaith lim, darthol i lú aphadad govatham.
Gaming quote of the week:
"Why does everyone assume I have a plan?"
"Because you were giving the orders!"
- Scondora and Elara, Fellowship of the Ever-Falling Troll.
RIP Alton Goodbarrel. We shalt always remember thee for thy ability to find traps... the hard way... even when yon 350 lb Dwarf walks over them first without triggering them. |
Edited by - Berzerker_prime on 17 Oct 2005 04:35:38 |
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Dooly Pwent
Acolyte
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - 17 Oct 2005 : 14:55:58
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In regards to Berzerker_Prime's post, as their GM, I can assure you these are all true words.
Though you forgot Brett's (Alten - the Now Dead Halfling) line later that night in reference to his death (Which involved a fall down a 60' pit onto a bed of spikes)
He walked in and said: I'm a leaf on the wind, watch as I soar.
Funny for those who've seen Serenity and get the reference |
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Sanishiver
Senior Scribe
USA
476 Posts |
Posted - 18 Oct 2005 : 06:55:41
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Here’s a couple from the same player, who runs an eccentric and highly opinionated Elven Mage named Tassion Redthorne…
Tassion: “What, you mean that spell has errata in 3.5? Does my character know about this errata?”
--that one left us laughing till we were hurting, especially since the player was entirely serious and sincere when he asked the question.
Another: One half of the party, including an Elistraeen Bard, are engaged in a magical battle of Epic Countersongs with a sad old female moon elf and an equally old but far more hostile gold elf, within the Lady’s College in Silverymoon.
One of those PCs casts an urgent sending spell to the other PCs asking for aid. The other PCs quickly gather from all over Suzail and teleport to Silverymoon, just outside its walls.
As the second half of the party materializes, they immediately push their way up to the gate to demand entry, where they are refused for what amounts to ‘cutting’ past everyone.
While the PC Paladin stumbles over an in-character attempt to answer the guard’s blunt, “What emergency is there that should give us cause to allow you in past all those who’ve waited patiently?” query, Tassion moves up to the guards and says in a perfectly grim, impending-doom-for-all tone, “Two words: Bard Fight.”
I guess you had to be there, but damn if we didn’t laugh our heads off.
J. Grenemyer |
09/20/2008: Tiger Army at the Catalyst in Santa Cruz. You wouldn’t believe how many females rode it out in the pit. Santa Cruz women are all of them beautiful. Now I know to add tough to that description.
6/27/2008: WALL-E is about the best damn movie Pixar has ever made. It had my heart racing and had me rooting for the good guy.
9/9/2006: Dave Mathews Band was off the hook at the Shoreline Amphitheater.
Never, ever read the game books too literally, or make such assumptions that what is omitted cannot be. Bad DM form, that.
And no matter how compelling a picture string theory paints, if it does not accurately describe our universe, it will be no more relevant than an elaborate game of Dungeons and Dragons. --paragraph 1, chapter 9, The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene |
Edited by - Sanishiver on 18 Oct 2005 07:17:19 |
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Carion Hunter
Acolyte
23 Posts |
Posted - 28 Oct 2005 : 10:19:08
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DM: A red wyrm leers down at the five adventurers, it is preparing to shoot its breath weapon of fire.
PC1: I don't think this wyrm can roast us in three seconds, how great can this wyrm be? *Scoffed at the wyrm*
DM: If you are to attack the red wyrm, say something that is worth remembering you by before you go toe to toe with the wyrm.
PC2: (Paladin) For Tyr the Even Handed! For Justice!*Charges the wyrm with great bastard sword in hand*.
PC3: (Wizard) I fight for my....my right to take its hide for my boots!*Begins spellcasting*
PC4: (Rogue) I......joined this useless quest because that dastard red wyrm owe me money, he owe me five months rental for this cave!.
PC5: (Fighter and Barbarian) Huh? For Lunch and dinner! Red Wyrm for lunch and dinner!*Eyes the red wyrm as food*
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Wanna throw me out? You gotta think thrice about that. |
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Thureen Buroch
Learned Scribe
169 Posts |
Posted - 15 Nov 2005 : 00:49:02
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Well, I don't remember exactly how this came up, but I'll tell it as best as I remember. I was DMing for somebody. For figures, we were using the little paper figures that came out of the 3.0E starter set. The character of the person I was DMing for scored a crit on something incredibly week, like an orc or goblin warrior. It died pretty much instantly, so I took its figure and threw it up into the air. Then the player's cat jumped up on the table.
Player: No, no. (Puts figure back on table.) Here's how it is. (Yells) MEOW!!!!!! (Throws paper figure across room).
Now he pretty much does this every time either his character or an NPC kills an enemy with an especially powerful attack. |
Goblins? *Slash* *Scream* *Thunk* What goblins? |
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Cutter the Swift
Acolyte
USA
4 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2005 : 15:46:29
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A few that I remember from a few years ago:
I was DMing a party of 6 or 7 adventurers. A Dwarven fighter, two human fighters, a halfling thief, an eleven magic user, a human cleric, and one of the players was running a human Paladin. Unfortunately the Paladin wasn't behaving like one.
DM: What are you doing, Sir Alex?
Paladin: I am guarding the rear of the party in case of ambush.
DM: (rolls eyes) OK... a Paladin at the rear of a party. Well, the thief manages to unlock the door, which he opens. Everyone in the front ranks sees a brightly lit room containing 4 large chests (locked) and a desk.
Paladin: I'm checking the desk!
DM: How? You were in back.
Paladin: Yeah right.. a Paladin at the rear of a party. Get Real!
(The Paladin became a normal fighter shortly after this. As a fighter, he ended up dying while fighting a Red Dragon.)
The same party came upon a cavern which was inhabited by a Huge Ancient Red Dragon, who had managed to outgrow the exit to the cave and was trapped. The Dragon was going to make a bargain with the party to help exit the cavern, for a share of it's treasure horde.
DM: You enter a large cavern that appears to extend for hundreds and hundreds of feet in all directions. A glittering and glowing permeate the center of the cavern. You hear a deep, booming voice say " Welcome adventurers, I mean you no harm. I have a proposition for you." As you seek out the source of the voice, you notice a huge red dragon sitting amongst the largest gathering of treasures and wealth you've ever imagined.
Dwarf: I charge.
DM: You What?!? Didn't you hear the voice? He means you no harm...
Dwarf: You expect me to trust him? He's a Red Dragon. They are Chaotic Evil. I charge.
DM: But this is a Huge Ancient Red Dragon. The big nasty. What's everyone else doing?
Players in unison: We're following the Dwarf.
DM: OK... everyone in the party roll saving throws versus Dwarven stupidity, also known as Breath Weapon.
Dwarf: I make my save!
DM: OK.. you only take 25 times the amount of damage it would take to kill you. How'd everyone else do?
former Paladin: I was behind the Dwarf, doesn't that keep me from taking as much damage?
DM: He's only 4 feet something. You are over 6 foot tall. How are you hiding behind the dwarf?
Former Paladin: I was laying down.
(Following this I resigned as DM and began playing in a different group.)
Sometimes players will do the unexpected, and it usually ends badly.
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Dhomal
Senior Scribe
USA
565 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2005 : 17:45:49
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Hello-
Well - as I recall right now - I have only 3 things to add to this thread:
1) Wayyy back - 1st edition style in the mid-80's we were playing pretty regularly. This of course led to shortcuts and such that just made the games run more quickly and smoothly. One such was the standard thief actions. I.E. - checking a door/chest for traps - and if found - removing said traps. What we started saying to shorten that up a bit was that the thief was going to FART on the door/chest etc. (*Find And Remove Traps*) - was pretty funny at the time. Now of course - I somewhat cringe at the concept.
2) We were playing in a game - and the party was underground in some caves. One room had some water at one end - which seemed to possibly be the edge of an underground lake or some such. Anyway - we were poking around the room - as well as investigating the edge of the water. We were surprized when we got jumped by a group of Aquatic Gargoyles. I think it was a tough fight - specifics are faded to time. What I DO remember is the fighter - who was fairly unintelligent (INT of probably 6-9 or so) was grappled and lost his weapons and shield. The Gargoyle was basically squeezing him to death, and the rest of us were in no position to lend a hand immediately. The player - in his infinite wisdom - decided to head-butt the gargoyle. I seem to recall the DM informing him that the Gargoyle had a single horn in its head too.... OUCH! And - as if that was not enough - when the PC did that - that Gargoyle changed his plans somewhat. He dragged the PC into the water - and underneath - looking to drown the PC. The PC in a typical low-intelligence display announced that he was not worried - he had an 18 CON - and could hold his breath for quite a while, and would outlast the Gargoyle. We then had to remind him that Aquatic Gargoyles had no need to hold their breath....
3) Possibly the funniest incident however was the following:
We were underground - creeping forward single-file along a wall of a cave - trying to sneak up on - something - I have no idea what now. The lead PC was creeping along - and even though it was dark - had no trouble navigating. Until the DM said: "You bump into something." Startled and surprised - the PC asked the obvious question: "What does it look like?" To which the DM - unintentionally but quite naturally answered: "It looks invisible." I think the gaming session took about an hour break after that. All sorts of other related remarkes started to crop up after that - as in "It feels intangible" or "It sounds inaudible" ETC.
Great Times! LOL
Dhomal |
I am collecting the D&D Minis. I would be more than willing to trade with people. You can send me a PM here with your email listed - and I can send you my minis list. Thanks!
Successfully traded with Xysma! |
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Neriandal Freit
Senior Scribe
USA
396 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2005 : 20:49:19
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A memeber of Wizard Message Boards, I give you this topic name :)
"Do Drow have white, milky insides and blood?"
Thank you : |
"Eating people is wrong...unless it's on the first date." - Ed Greenwood, GenCon Indy 2006 |
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Fletcher
Learned Scribe
USA
299 Posts |
Posted - 12 Dec 2005 : 17:21:32
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The party of heroes decided to rest in a small fishing village that had just been attacked by pirates. The local militia had taken the ships out after the pirates leaving the village unguarded. The team of NPC villains who had arranged for the pirates to draw off the militia showed up. They started a few fires and the pc's in bed clothes attacked in a scattered manner. In but a few rounds they were soundly walloped, 2 dead, three injured and one incapacitated.
The comments from this event were:
Psychic Warrior "Run away, they're cheating!"
Invisible Blade "Yeah! No fair that they were prepared and we weren't!"
Cleric of Oghma "So who was on watch?"
>silence<
Invisible Blade "I still didn't deserve to die."
GM "You charged into the middle of 6 villains and 3 summoned creatures by your self. Your comrades were engaged elsewhere, what did you expect?"
Invisible Blade "Duh! I expected to win!"
>stupefied silence<
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Run faster! The Kobolds are catching up! |
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Fletcher
Learned Scribe
USA
299 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jan 2006 : 00:06:40
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PC1"Wait, they can't all be dead! I still have seven fireballs!"
PC2"Fireballs comin' on line BA" |
Run faster! The Kobolds are catching up! |
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Faramicos
Senior Scribe
Denmark
468 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2006 : 13:31:55
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| One of my players once made a brilliant comment. He is the kind of player that is suspicious to everyone and everything. Once he was hunting in the woods and came upon a bear. He didnt believe that i would place a bear in the game without any side effect so he asked me: "does it have clothes on?". I could say no to that, because i realy wasnt anything besides an ordinary bear. But he pressed on, convinced that it would have to be a werebear. He asked me about whether it had bracelets, torn cloth or equipment and several other items like that. He continued for so long that even today, after several years of play, we always tease him about it by pointing out that the animals he encounter neither wears clothes or equipment. Dont know if you understand it, but it was rather fun... |
"When dragons make war, worlds can only tremble in the shadow of angry wings" |
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Jamallo Kreen
Master of Realmslore
USA
1537 Posts |
Posted - 13 Jan 2006 : 00:32:37
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| I beg to point out the immortal words of Gustave Sigurdson of the Clan of the Snow Leopard to his new-found Waterdhavian friends; Gustave, who having aided the same in purging a house in Waterdeep of the evil which undoubtedly dwelt there, and having decided to join them in availing himself of a well-earned reward for all of his hard work in expunging said evil, and having noted the arrival of a squad of City Watch accompanied by a tall man in robes with salt-and-pepper hair and a really mean-looking black quarterstaff, said, softly and almost presciently, "Ixnay on the illagepay." |
I have a mouth, but I am in a library and must not scream.
Feed the poor and stroke your ego, too: http://www.freerice.com/index.php.
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Arivia
Great Reader
Canada
2965 Posts |
Posted - 13 Jan 2006 : 22:27:56
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Steven's post in the 2006 Questions for Ed thread reminded me of this one(it's my own, but it's not D&D related):
Paranoia. Second session of the game for anyone in the group, including me, the GM.
Mistake 1: When taking the players out of the room for their secret society meetings, speak loudly enough so that the players in the next room over, including the targets, can hear the conversation perfectly.
Mistake 2: Keeping really bad notes on who I've assigned to kill who. Then losing those notes.
That's the setup for this...
"Okay, I've lost my notes on who people's targets are. Can you all pass me notes on who you were assigned to kill?"
Player X passes me her note.
Open note.
Look at player X.
"You mispelled player Y's name."
"Oh *%%&."
Halfway through the laughter through that, open note from player Z.
The note is as follows:
"Player Z - Myself"
Me: "You're not serious."
Him: "Oh yes I am."
Me: "Oh #^%*."
Player Z earned a lot of Perversity points for using his Unlikely skill of Wrench Crafting to craft a wrench, and then killing himself with it.
The absolute hilarity of this will make a lot more sense to anyone who has played Paranoia. |
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Fletcher
Learned Scribe
USA
299 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2006 : 15:34:07
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Silly Barbarian! Thrones are for kings!
Upon seeing the Priest of Bane sacrificing a victim. "Uh...when your done, could i get a Banewich?"
Psychic Warrior after being cursed to have everything taste like excrement by the cleric of Oghma. "Everything i eat taste of @$$."
And there was a discussion in the group about whether or not the urine of the Psychic Warrior would be a healing draught due to the numerous vigors. (approximately 1000hp worth in a tenday.) |
Run faster! The Kobolds are catching up! |
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Kaladorm
Master of Realmslore
United Kingdom
1176 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2006 : 17:14:06
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In all seriousness Fletcher, that 'could' easily be worked into a feat.
In some sourcebook (perhaps complete arcane or unearthed arcana) there are feats for 'Spelltouched' i.e. those that are constantly subject to certain spells seem to take on certain properties.
The healing draught idea has merit ;) |
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Fletcher
Learned Scribe
USA
299 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2006 : 20:49:26
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You know, an old episode of The Black Adder comes to mind. Shere they return with this wondrous vintage from the new world.
But feat or no feat the thought of drinking that stuff is...gross, just gross. My character would have to be in pretty dire straits to be drinking that type of healing potion. |
Run faster! The Kobolds are catching up! |
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Beirnadri Magranth
Senior Scribe
USA
720 Posts |
Posted - 09 Feb 2006 : 04:05:24
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BACKGROUND INFO
i played a cool campaign once a long time ago when i was just learning d&d....
my character was somehow killed by a doppleganger
our dm let me play as the doppleganger which was cool!
anyhow i think we were on some stupid quest and in a ruins...
we are lvl 5
we enter a really strange place... a small hall maybe 15 feet long with a tremendously deep but narrow rift on the left side of the floor. an alcove sits at the other end of the hall...
a grinning skull rests there.
player1: oh thats the evil presence of the ruins? hah.. guys its a darkskull!
our newb/noob/nube DM: as you get closer it whirls about and floats forward to meet you!
players: ?
DM: the demilich glows with a...
me: wait... demilich?????
player1: are you serious???
player2: I start to run on my next round!
me: demilich???
dm: yeah its just a demilich
my brother: dude those are like cr 30+
DM: waht? no its a demilich... like a lesser lich!
hahahahah ok i was a beginnner and even i knew what a demilich was omg
hmm... ok so this wasnt as funny as it was in person but my cleric doppleganger beat it to death (or final daeth) with his prayer book! (the only thing left after the fire and magical pain.. besides my armor and holysymbol.)
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"You came here to be a martyr in a great big bang of glory... instead you will die with a whimper."
::moussaoui tries to interrupt::
"You will never get a chance to speak again and that's an appropriate ending."
-Judge Brinkema |
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Faramicos
Senior Scribe
Denmark
468 Posts |
Posted - 09 Feb 2006 : 11:35:31
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| I can definately see the humor in that situation. It is a classical case of a new DM misunderstanding the names of monsters... Always funny to look back at. |
"When dragons make war, worlds can only tremble in the shadow of angry wings" |
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Laputa_Knights
Acolyte
USA
4 Posts |
Posted - 12 Feb 2006 : 11:12:10
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DM: You come around the corner into a corridor. It's 100' wide by 200' high. About 100 yards down the corridor, you see a little old man and his Bolo. What do you do?
Most of the party: We knock out the little old man.
Player who knew how perverted the DM was: I turn around and run like ****!
Player who ran was the only one who survived. It was a Mk XXIII Bolo. (See Keith Laumer for more details)
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It!
Could!
{Kaboom!}
Work (coughcough)
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Topic |
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Stupid, hilarious silly words during a campaign
